I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
