they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
