Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize