My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
