Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
