I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
