my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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