we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
