That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize