Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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