Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
