I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
