Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
