I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
