He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
