Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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