Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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