Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What a dumb baby whore.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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