Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
