i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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