I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
