That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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