I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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