Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
