she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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