Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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