Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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