Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
