I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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