I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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