WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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