What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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