Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
