So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
