either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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