I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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