You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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