just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
