You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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