You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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