There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
