She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize