I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
