we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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