yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
