it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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