I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
