I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I looked at my own cervix.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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