Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
