I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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