I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
