My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize