dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The power of my boobs compel you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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