Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize