life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
