I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
