Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
