Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
