so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Michael Bay diarrhea
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Alive.
So much puke
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize