I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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