When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
