the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize