He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
home. puking in laundry basket.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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