Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize