his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
