Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
