i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
