what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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