I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
