Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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