i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
