Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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