She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
