she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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