he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
