My room smells like vodka and shame
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
