We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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