that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you never un-have a 4some
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
