i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
