Plan B is the new Plan A
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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