I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
