My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
