Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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