does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize