It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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