i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
