I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
