Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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