how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
