laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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