sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
