I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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