this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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