So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
