Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize
