just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
