She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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