apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
