THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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