Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
