matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
