I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize